1. Be OK with making the right decision, even if it is an unpopular one.. While my parents and I don’t always agree, that is OK. I would say that is the most formidable lesson that I learned from Dad. My Dad was my parent, and didn’t seem to care if I liked his decisions or not. He took his job as a primary decision maker seriously. There are times in your life that you will have to make tough and unpopular decisions, and make peace with dissention on those choices. 

2. Your quality of work matters and it doesn’t matter what the job is. Once, I begrudgingly raked up the mowed grass in our yard as I was asked. I didn’t get all of it picked up, and frankly, my 14-year-old self didn’t see the reason why it had to be perfect. My Dad pointed out all of the missed grass, and stressed how no matter what you are doing, you should always put your best foot forward. Your signature of a job well-done matters—it affects your relationships and gains the respect from your colleagues that you can be trusted. 

3. “You will get in more trouble if you lie to me than the actual act.” My Dad did not stand for liars, and a few times I tested this out. It did not go well. Eventually, I learned the value of coming clean with a confession, and an admission with an apology goes a long way, and solves a lot of issues. 

4. Don’t be a sore loser and don’t blame others for your losses. It was a tense girl’s softball game and I was 12. We were tied, and one of my teammates hit a drive to the shortstop who flung it at the first base player in the nick of time, but it was very, very close. The umpire called her out. The other team went on to win. I complained all the way home and blamed the umpire. My Dad defended the umpire’s decision and reminded me how unflattering it was for me to be a sore loser, and blame others for your losses. Accountability can hurt, but it also allows you to take your power back when you admit your shortcomings and focus on becoming better.

5. Be nice to everyone who is nice to you. I was the ripe age of 6 and one of my friends didn’t like another girl in my class who also wanted to be my friend. I came home and told my Dad that I didn’t know what to do because I didn’t want to make my other friend mad if I was friends with the girl she didn’t like. He quickly told me that it was my job to be nice to everyone who is nice to me. Period. End of discussion. This was one piece of advice that I have not wavered from, and it has served me well. Let people work out their own problems; and keep your relationships between you and that singular person. 

6. The fine art of a spirited debate. Our dinner table was usually fraught with raucous candor, and we talked about every hot topic under the sun. Sometimes, these would incite frustration and anger, but I eventually learned how to not take other dissenting opinions personally, how to listen to opposing views and how to get others to listen to you. 

7. Be prepared to stand on your own and make your own choices. I was 15, and getting ready to go out on my first date. My Dad asked me who was paying for the movie, and I told him that my boyfriend was. He reached into his pocket, handed me $10 and sternly told me, “I should not let him pay for my way.” When I look back, I realize that he was taking away any power dynamic that may have occurred between an older teenage boy and a younger teen girl. It was great advice. I still make sure that my own daughters have money on them if they are on a date, so that they are self-sufficient.

Lessons are everywhere and at every age. In my profession, we discuss the importance of “productive struggle” and I am grateful for a Dad that didn’t let me go out and experience the struggle without some tools and lessons to reflect upon. Happy Belated Father’s Day to all of the Dads out there.