Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing. ~Mother Teresa

Jane Murphy. If you ever want to see anyone's face light up, say those two words. The first thing Jane greets everyone with is an electric smile, and in all honesty, it is the most beautiful smile that I have ever seen. Rain or shine, she does not let anything get in the way of communicating her love for people and deep respect for life. It is my belief that Jane conceives that every day presents new astounding opportunities to embrace, and will not entertain otherwise.

Ask anyone that knows her: "When you think of Jane Murphy, what do you think of?" These are the adjectives (verbatim) what her friends had to say: Warmth, kindness, huge smile, amazing sense of humor, joyful, fun, adventurous, beautiful; and these are just a few of the words that will come to their lips.

I could spend several paragraphs on her excellent ability to multi-task, keen intelligence, rib-splitting humor, love for her children, and how she can literally do anything, but what I really want to explore is how she is one person who touches every heart, and even the iciest soul is immune to her warmth.

As George Elliot said, "Wear a smile and have friends; wear a scowl and have wrinkles." Well, it is apparent that Jane is not lacking in having friends, and her face is wrinkle-free, by the way.

Anyway, back to the point: I don't care where we are---in the park, hole-in-the-wall establishment in the Bay Area or at a rodeo in Oklahoma, (Just kidding...never been to a rodeo with Jane, but I wouldn't discount that we could end up there sometime), there are people flocking to her. It is not rocket science why this is the case, but I will state the reasons anyway. Besides being gorgeous, superior conversationalist, and intelligent, Jane is not afraid to let you know that she is glad to see you, and deeply pleased that you are a part of her life. There is not a better feeling in the world than to feel loved and appreciated, and Jane is a master at letting all in her life know how important they are to her. If we could all emulate this skill, imagine what the world would be like.

Yep, I have yet another couple of friends who have joined the four decade mark. It has been a fun ride, the last few years, to celebrate all of these birthdays. I have watched people struggle with the number, embrace it, take it with a grain of salt or have a mixed reaction of everything previously mentioned. I just read a quote: “No one becomes forty without incredulity and a sense of outrage” and I believe this is universally true. However, both Karin and Lynn have managed to make it look easy, as both are two of the most grounded people that I know.

Karin celebrated her birthday on the water, looking stunningly beautiful and serene. Her sense of humor could make a day picking-up trash in the dirtiest back alley seem like a rockin' good time. Intelligence, keen wit and vintage Hollywood movie star looks add to her unique beauty. With class, she tells it like it is, and in this day and age of superficiality, it is a breath of fresh air to be around a woman confident enough to speak her mind.

To celebrate her four decades on the planet, Lynn decided to host a toga party, and I had just as much fun as I did back in the keg-soaked college days. She wore a gold toga, which is befitting in so many ways. Lynn is truly an old soul, with years of wisdom bottled inside her gorgeous self. She radiates warmth, love and constant compassion. With Lynn, I can discuss any philosophical or spiritual ideas that I am pondering or struggling with, and she will intently listen, never judge and gently offer her opinion with depth and quiet assurance. I always enjoy talking with her, as I know I am going to learn something new, interesting and thought-provoking.

It is no surprise that Lynn and Karin are good friends, as they both are fun-loving, intelligent, kind and loyal. They both have the ability to bring clarity to any situation, and this insight is invaluable. I will never be able to walk on a beach without thinking of them, as we have had a lot of good times strolling the Carmel beaches with sand between our toes, and share an appreciation of the sea, and of nature itself.

I wish you both the happiest of times with your respective families during this upcoming decade, and many more beach hikes, laughs and wine-sipping great times.

Besides the fact that she is from Georgia, the nickname Peaches is perfect for her. Her skin is flawless, perfectly colored, just like a peach. Her southern drawl and sweet personality take you in, and you feel lucky to be a part of her world.

Fiercely loyal, fun to be around, wonderful sense of humor, (I am talking knee-slapping funny), quick witted, intelligent, honest, generous, adventurous---these are just a few of the hundred adjectives that describe our dear friend.

One of my favorite memories of her is her standing on a hay bale (looking fabulous in a Hooters Girls costume) at one of my Halloween parties and asking the crowd if they "want any weeengs?" (wings) The plate was devoured in a few seconds.

As one poet put it: "Joy in one's heart and some laughter on one's lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life"--and this describes Peaches perfectly.

Peaches and I take weekly walks out in the state park, and they are some of my favorite hours of the week. There is nothing that we can't discuss with startling openness, and I know that I can count on her to willingly listen to anything that I am grappling with and she will give me straight-forward advice, as well as a good dose of humor. I can trust her implicitly, with confidentiality and to provide thoughtful words of wisdom. These are what I consider trademarks of a true lifelong friend.

She is off on another adventure in about a year from now, and even though I am happy for her, I am going to miss her terribly. In the short time that she has been here in Benicia, we have had a ton of good times.

Happy Birthday, my wonderful friend, and I hope your upcoming year in Benicia brings you extraordinary memories, the best of times and the knowledge that you are adored by many. I would wish for everyone to have such a friend as you.

I am going to attempt to write two blogs tonight, in honor of two friends that had birthdays within the last 30 days.

There was once a famous author who was quoted as saying,"Don't hang out with people who are not where you want to be." I think this is sound advice, and it serves as a mantra in the back of my mind whenever I meet someone.

When I started to get to know Robyn, I was in awe of how sunny and positive she is about life. I have yet to hear her utter an unkind word about anyone. She walks with light, and goodness. Even if someone has wronged her, she carries no animosity toward them, and always gives even the most undeserving person a break. Little did I know, this is just the tip of the iceberg in the depth of her kindness.

Robyn is a nurse that works with cancer patients. Along with raising children, she helps people in their greatest hour of need. I can't imagine the energy and strength that her job must take, and I have the greatest admiration for her, and all of those in healing professions.

On top of this, she has served as a nurse to close family members with terminal illnesses as well. To help a loved one transition from life to death is perhaps one of the most difficult challenges any person faces. I don't mean to be macabre, but I want to paint the whole picture here of just how amazing she is. It is easy to be altruistic and congenial when life is going our way, and I am certainly guilty of allowing my circumstances to affect my mood, but this is not the case for Robyn. While she was truly doing God's work, she would always manage a smile, an encouraging word for someone and maintain a softhearted disposition.

I would venture to say that she truly gets "it." Life is precious, delicate yet hardy, and worth putting a smile on for, even in the toughest of circumstances. She values her minutes here on earth and seems to realize that pettiness is a waste of everyone's time. I have learned a lot by watching how she handles it all with such grace, and I can only hope that some of her amazing-ness rubs off on me.

Happy Birthday, Robyn! I hope this new decade brings you nothing but more of your gorgeous and magnetic smiles!

The first time I met Angie I was having a "crafty lady" meeting at my house. My hair was probably a disaster, and in general, I was most likely a disheveled mess. I will skip the irony about me hosting a "crafty lady" meeting, but I will delve into my overall state, at that time.

When my girls were little, I had difficulties in getting myself together. My friend Jane calls those early Mommy years "the frump years" and nothing could describe it better for me. I swore off any pants that did not have an elastic waste band, my hair was always in a wet ponytail and I always felt frenetic, like I forgot something important but I didn't know what it was. I was sort-of like a modern-day Lucille Ball without the style.

This background information has a point, I swear. You see, I am now going to do a compare-and-contrast analysis.

Angie is one of those people who does it all, and looks fabulous while doing it. She runs a successful business, is active in the P.T.G., church, various organizations, is participating in the 3-day walk for the cure, and I have yet to see her flustered or even slightly ruffled. Ever. She is always well-dressed, perfectly groomed and never snippy. Oh, did I mention that she has two beautiful and well-mannered little girls and she is a hands-on Mom? How does she do it?

As if her accomplishments weren't enough, she also has amazing attributes, and while there are many, (good looking, honest, intelligent, wonderful sense of humor), my favorite is her quiet and non-boastful way of going about life. Her wry and self-effacing manner make her even more endearing. (By the way, I hope you do not mind too terribly that I am "tooting your horn" for you.)

Moreover, she is a great friend. With her hectic schedule she manages to make time to be there for her friends and in her unassuming and calm way, she can always be counted on. Her promises are never un-kept, no matter how difficult or trivial, for that matter. This last year, she helped my sanity when I was trapped at home sick, and even took the time out of her overloaded schedule to bring me a cheeseburger because I had a "wild craving".

I look around me, and if I am fortunate enough to be surrounded by great people that I appreciate, then I need to acknowledge this. Angie, I appreciate your ability to make us all laugh, how you always come through with quiet action and for being an all-around class act.

Happy Birthday, Pal! I hope this year brings you all the best. You truly deserve it.

I am going to try and give a tribute, so to speak, to each of my friends on their birthdays this year. My friends bring so much joy to my life, and without them, my life would lack a great deal of warmth and love that I have grown accustomed to. Benicia has spoiled me; this town seems to be a breeding ground for fun, down-to-earth, kind and generous people. I write these blogs as not only way to shout out to the universe how grateful I am, but to take the time to let each person know how appreciated they are.

When the wind kicks up in town, (and it often does), I always shake my head and smile. Personally, wind makes me a tad grumpy, but I know one person that will be ecstatic: Angela. I know that she is personally dancing and thanking the "Wind Gods" for blessing her upcoming sailing trip.

Just like a mermaid, Angela was born to love the water, and she discovered sailing a few years ago, and I would venture to say that it is one of her favorite ways to pass the time.

Angela has spark. No two ways about it. Always smiling, her eyes sparkle with an unwavering love for life, and she attacks everything with such zest that one believes that there is nothing that she can't accomplish, and by the way, this would be a true assumption. During the last few years, along with being a great Mom and wife, she has helped put on an auction, mastered wine-making, become an accomplished sailor, and tackled numerous other projects that I won't list.

You get the picture...Life is an adventure to be embraced, and she attacks it dead-on. Observing her, I have learned a lot about how to appreciate each day and not waste a minute. Do what you love, spend time with the people you care about and be kind to all---these are things that I notice how Angela lives her life, and it truly inspires me.

Her arms are always wide open to hug all--and warmth flows easily from her. She is thoughtful, and an amazing hostess. Once, I called her to chat, and after a few minutes of talking, she asked if we wanted to come over for drinks and appetizers. We walked over (10 minutes later) and she had put together this beautiful spread of food that would have taken me an hour to put out. She greeted as at the door, with cocktails, and immediately made us feel at home. My kids run to her because they love her hugs, and we all felt happy, lighter, warm. Happiness spreads, and her wonderful positive energy affects people.

Life is to be celebrated and any task, event, and/or moment can be made enjoyable with the right frame of mind. I am lucky to have a friend who "walks the walk" and lives her life with a ferocious love of joy, love and happiness.

May fierce and sturdy winds guide your sails this year! Happy (belated) Birthday, my friend!

There are very few things that you can count on in this life. I can always count on my mailbox to have at least one piece of junk mail in it, the sun to rise, for the PGnE bill to piss me off, and finally----that whenever I get together with Moe I am going to have the time of my life. The only items on the agenda when we get together is to have fun and laugh. As you can imagine, we get together often. With an agenda like that, why would I want to do anything else? Seriously.

She brims with sheer fun and positive energy. Besides being a loyal friend, I can always count on her to make the most of out of every situation that she is encounters. Every person is glad to see her. She extends her warmth to every person that she meets. I can completely be myself with her, and I know that she accepts each and every flaw within me, and I always feel better about life after we get together. Prozac would not be in existence if everyone on this planet were to have such a friend as Moe.

So, on to discussing the big milestone: turning 40. I have no doubt that Moe will handle 40 with the same cosmic grace that she handles everything, and will fiercely attack these years with the same ferocity for the quest of fun that she has all of her life. She looks great, has a stellar attitude and is one of the most open-minded people that I know....so what will be different?

I am almost six months ahead of Moe in the aging process, so take my sage advise/experience with as much weight as you would of a teeny piece of lint, but, here is my take on what to expect:
The sweet moments carry more weight. You will worry less, and focus on what makes you happy more, because you realize time is fleeting, and 40 is when most people take stock of their lives, figure out what is worth living for, and what is not. Obligatory boring meetings and dreaded errands still need to occur (we are still living, after all) but I found myself seeking to make all of the other moments "count". Hugs from your kids and husband feel warmer, time with friends becomes more special and eventful, and love for all of those around you will fill you up in a way that it did not before.

But that is not all....here is the best part:

Fear, in general, is flying out the window. Thank God. What a waste of time it is to fear, and for some reason, this concept of not focusing on fear has become more apparent for me this year.

For example, and this is a not a very serious comparison, but here goes:

Last night, I went and celebrated another wonderful friend's birthday. We went dancing, and I have to tell you, I danced like I truly did not care who was watching, because it hit me, I didn't. I think most people are a bit self-conscious when dancing, even if they are good, and while I was wildly flailing my arms, laughing at myself and screaming out the lyrics with friends, it dawned on me that I was especially enjoying it because I didn't care what I looked like. The most paramount goal was to have a good time at that moment, and the fear of looking stupid would have derailed me.

I have quit fearing the minutia, the mundane, the weighty decisions, the worst-case scenarios because it is all a waste of precious energy and time. This has made the big 4-0 one of the best years of my life, and I know it is going to be for you, too.

Your zest of life is going to continue to bring you an abundance of love, friendship, fun times, travel, wonderment, and excitement. You deserve it all.

I love you like a sister. Thanks for always being there for me.

So, I have these two great friends having birthdays on Thursday. They are both fantastic women; beautiful, kind, thoughtful, intelligent and capable.

Jen takes any room by storm with her engaging personality. She lights up any room. Period. I have never met anyone who after meeting her didn't adore her. She can converse with anyone, and bring any person out of "their shell", so to speak, and she takes a genuine interest in the other person, and is not afraid to point out the good attributes that the person has to bring out their best. I have never seen her do anything contrary to helping another see the best in themselves, and she is always generous (yet sincere) with her kind words.

She also gives extremely sound advice, and I confer with her on many situations. I know that she will calm Chicken Little (a.k.a. me) down and coach me on how to address the problem in a wise and adult manner.

Her infectious laugh and love for silliness takes any heavy drama out of the room, and it is this love for fun that keeps her looking, oh, about 22 years old. In a word, she is amazing.




Liz would give you the shirt off of her back. I know that phrase is said often, and it is overused, but it is the best one I could come up with, and my writing is a tad rusty.

I have always envied Liz's ability to be calm, kind, and collected in any situation. She never stoops to pettiness, and she truly sees the best in others. She will quietly work behind the scenes to help people---never bringing attention to herself, and she does it simply because her heart is the size of Alaska. She never asks for anything in return.

On top of all of this, she is an abundantly loving mother. She manages three children, a career, a remodel, friends, appointments with an ease and grace that would make any C.E.O. green with envy. I hope she sees how great she is, because she is also very humble, and as endearing of a quality that is, I want her to appreciate herself---because we all do.

Finally, I am truly fortunate to have these women in my life. Happy Birthday Ladies! Enjoy your year!

In the depths of winter I finally learned
there was in me an invincible summer.
by Albert Camus

Home from school on a chilly January afternoon. Ash loves her new headbands that she received from Santa.

First, I want to state that I am ecstatic to begin this new year.

I wanted to measure how "successful" I was at achieving my resolutions from last year, before I spouted off this year about my upcoming plans. Here they were:

1. Enjoy every moment as much as possible, and I mean every moment. I need to remember to find meaning in my work, appreciate menial tasks such as washing the dishes, and finding the time to relax more. I already cherish my time with my family, friends and of course, my husband, but I could have a better attitude about cooking, cleaning and grocery shopping. It is going to be a challenge, though, to find something enjoyable and/or meaningful about cleaning up the cat box.

I still loathe cleaning the cat box, but since I have made enjoying life to the fullest a commitment, it has generally become more easy to let go and have a good time, and for that, I am unwaveringly grateful that I made it a priority and that it came to fruition. I partially credit the change to a few factors: age, exercise and meditation; I began meditation sessions throughout this last year (with a few friends) and that has made a tremendous difference in reducing my anxiety. I no longer will be a tortured perfectionist that completely blows a gasket if the house is out-or-order or things don't go exactly the way I planned.

2. Continue my quest to be in shape. Continue to exercise regularly. It makes all the difference on my health and my mental state of mind.

I feel good about this one. I pretty much exercised all year long, and plan to put it on my list for 2010, and every year after that.

3. Fix what bothers me. Indecision is a spirit killer. If something is irritating me, then I am going to take measures to fix it, and not just talk about how I want it to change. I always feel much better when I make a decision to move forward, rather than agonize about something and then twist in the wind on how I am going to change it, which ultimately keeps me in limbo.

This last resolution of '09 was a paradox. I took action this past year to fix the things in my life that were not up to par, but results would not always follow--or the results would not occur as quickly as I was expecting. A few times, I would utter to my friends that 2009 was the year of "being in limbo." Perhaps there is a lesson in all of this. I have never been known for having a plethora of patience, and this last year has been a constant reminder of that. I have been forced to encounter and practice this virtue.

Some of my "fixes" did happen, though, and for that I am grateful. For example, I was able to enjoy life to the fullest this last year, and that was my main goal. The meditation and the exercise (both actions) did produce positive results for achieving the goal of relaxation and being more self-aware, and thus, enjoying life more. Also, perhaps my main goal of finding happiness in whatever I am doing doesn't jive with always fixing things. Perhaps, I need to re-read my own sentences, and enjoy what comes my way and live in the moment.

Onward to 2010...here are my new resolutions:

1. Have a career that is more stable, more financially rewarding, and involves working with people that I enjoy, and the tasks are satisfying and interesting. I realize this is a tall order, but it is possible.

2. Be a good Mom and wife. Take the utmost care of my family.

3. Continue to enjoy my friends and family. Meet new people, yet also find time to spend with the people that are already dear to me.

4. Keep exercising regularly and be in good physical and healthy shape. I turn 40 this year, and I want to feel as healthy as possible.

5. Meditate more. Feed my spiritual side.

6. Be positive. Help others whenever it is possible. Strive to be a source of light and kindness. Be thankful and express gratitude every day.

7. Buy real estate.

8. Increase our financial security.


These are it for now!

Happy New Year, everyone!