Well, after reading my last blog, I decided that I really need to look at my current situation with a better attitude. Attitude is everything---or at least that is what one of those motivational posters that I saw had to say about attitude.

I figured something out, thanks to a great night's sleep last night. There is a reason that I am going through this process: I am being forced to practice patience. Awhile back, I prayed and asked God to help me become more patient, and to help me become the best that I can be. Well, alas, ask and you shall receive.

Literally, every day, since I have begun this new career has been a test of my limited patience....and as challenging as it has been, I have to say that my capacity for being patient has improved. It had to. I was forced to be patient or throw in the towel, so I am chosing to be patient. I have had to be patient with myself, with my co-workers, with clients, with the process of the extra long sales cycle, etc. etc. My boss even reminded me that "Rome was not built in a day" and was gently reminding me that I needed to relax a bit.

I asked my husband what my worst quality was, and he didn't even blink. He said that I am extremely impatient. Obviously, this is something that I need to change or at least, work on changing about myself. I am hopeful that I can set a better example to my family in the future.

So, I decided to go back to work this year. I was lonely at home, and missing my part-time job, and so, a dear friend of mine knew of an opening at her company, and the rest of history.

I am getting a taste of what it is like to be a full-time working mom, not that I don't think being a mom is a full-time job in itself. I now just have reports to fill-out, sales goals to make and lots of extra emails to answer. The best part is getting a paycheck, but it comes at an exorbitant price. My sanity is tested on an hourly basis, and I am not being sarcastic.

Today, after working at a trade show for the last few days, I finally left San Francisco, came home and realized that I need to figure out childcare for Monday. The kids are out of school, and I have to be in Modesto at 9 AM. Mitch will be traveling, so now comes the super-juggling of schedules and the guilt of having to leave my kids in the first place.

Why am I doing this again? Oh, yeah, I have to keep reminding myself that I needed this new challenge in my life, and the truth is, I actually like the work, for the most part.

I am also learning that I am a prideful person, and I am pretty sure that is not a good thing. I am resolved to stay at this for at least a year. I just can't bring myself to quit, and I get a sick stomach even entertaining the thought. Every time I shake my head at myself on "why I took this on", and perhaps I should go back to my old life, a very loud voice in my head tells me to "quit whining, be grateful for this opportunity, get to work, and finally, you need to give this a chance."

So, as my brain wrestles with itself, please forgive me if I seem aloof, forgetful, and distracted...the voices in my head are in the middle of a heated argument, and I am not sure who is going to win this one. I pray for a resolution every night.