In the depths of winter I finally learned
there was in me an invincible summer.
by Albert Camus

Home from school on a chilly January afternoon. Ash loves her new headbands that she received from Santa.

First, I want to state that I am ecstatic to begin this new year.

I wanted to measure how "successful" I was at achieving my resolutions from last year, before I spouted off this year about my upcoming plans. Here they were:

1. Enjoy every moment as much as possible, and I mean every moment. I need to remember to find meaning in my work, appreciate menial tasks such as washing the dishes, and finding the time to relax more. I already cherish my time with my family, friends and of course, my husband, but I could have a better attitude about cooking, cleaning and grocery shopping. It is going to be a challenge, though, to find something enjoyable and/or meaningful about cleaning up the cat box.

I still loathe cleaning the cat box, but since I have made enjoying life to the fullest a commitment, it has generally become more easy to let go and have a good time, and for that, I am unwaveringly grateful that I made it a priority and that it came to fruition. I partially credit the change to a few factors: age, exercise and meditation; I began meditation sessions throughout this last year (with a few friends) and that has made a tremendous difference in reducing my anxiety. I no longer will be a tortured perfectionist that completely blows a gasket if the house is out-or-order or things don't go exactly the way I planned.

2. Continue my quest to be in shape. Continue to exercise regularly. It makes all the difference on my health and my mental state of mind.

I feel good about this one. I pretty much exercised all year long, and plan to put it on my list for 2010, and every year after that.

3. Fix what bothers me. Indecision is a spirit killer. If something is irritating me, then I am going to take measures to fix it, and not just talk about how I want it to change. I always feel much better when I make a decision to move forward, rather than agonize about something and then twist in the wind on how I am going to change it, which ultimately keeps me in limbo.

This last resolution of '09 was a paradox. I took action this past year to fix the things in my life that were not up to par, but results would not always follow--or the results would not occur as quickly as I was expecting. A few times, I would utter to my friends that 2009 was the year of "being in limbo." Perhaps there is a lesson in all of this. I have never been known for having a plethora of patience, and this last year has been a constant reminder of that. I have been forced to encounter and practice this virtue.

Some of my "fixes" did happen, though, and for that I am grateful. For example, I was able to enjoy life to the fullest this last year, and that was my main goal. The meditation and the exercise (both actions) did produce positive results for achieving the goal of relaxation and being more self-aware, and thus, enjoying life more. Also, perhaps my main goal of finding happiness in whatever I am doing doesn't jive with always fixing things. Perhaps, I need to re-read my own sentences, and enjoy what comes my way and live in the moment.

Onward to 2010...here are my new resolutions:

1. Have a career that is more stable, more financially rewarding, and involves working with people that I enjoy, and the tasks are satisfying and interesting. I realize this is a tall order, but it is possible.

2. Be a good Mom and wife. Take the utmost care of my family.

3. Continue to enjoy my friends and family. Meet new people, yet also find time to spend with the people that are already dear to me.

4. Keep exercising regularly and be in good physical and healthy shape. I turn 40 this year, and I want to feel as healthy as possible.

5. Meditate more. Feed my spiritual side.

6. Be positive. Help others whenever it is possible. Strive to be a source of light and kindness. Be thankful and express gratitude every day.

7. Buy real estate.

8. Increase our financial security.


These are it for now!

Happy New Year, everyone!