Wandering Wendi

What a difference a day makes...

2011-03-13T22:23:00.000-07:00

Well, after reading my last blog, I decided that I really need to look at my current situation with a better attitude. Attitude is everything---or at least that is what one of those motivational posters that I saw had to say about attitude.

I figured something out, thanks to a great night's sleep last night. There is a reason that I am going through this process: I am being forced to practice patience. Awhile back, I prayed and asked God to help me become more patient, and to help me become the best that I can be. Well, alas, ask and you shall receive.

Literally, every day, since I have begun this new career has been a test of my limited patience....and as challenging as it has been, I have to say that my capacity for being patient has improved. It had to. I was forced to be patient or throw in the towel, so I am chosing to be patient. I have had to be patient with myself, with my co-workers, with clients, with the process of the extra long sales cycle, etc. etc. My boss even reminded me that "Rome was not built in a day" and was gently reminding me that I needed to relax a bit.

I asked my husband what my worst quality was, and he didn't even blink. He said that I am extremely impatient. Obviously, this is something that I need to change or at least, work on changing about myself. I am hopeful that I can set a better example to my family in the future.

Life change and voices in my head....

2011-03-12T20:04:00.000-08:00

So, I decided to go back to work this year. I was lonely at home, and missing my part-time job, and so, a dear friend of mine knew of an opening at her company, and the rest of history.

I am getting a taste of what it is like to be a full-time working mom, not that I don't think being a mom is a full-time job in itself. I now just have reports to fill-out, sales goals to make and lots of extra emails to answer. The best part is getting a paycheck, but it comes at an exorbitant price. My sanity is tested on an hourly basis, and I am not being sarcastic.

Today, after working at a trade show for the last few days, I finally left San Francisco, came home and realized that I need to figure out childcare for Monday. The kids are out of school, and I have to be in Modesto at 9 AM. Mitch will be traveling, so now comes the super-juggling of schedules and the guilt of having to leave my kids in the first place.

Why am I doing this again? Oh, yeah, I have to keep reminding myself that I needed this new challenge in my life, and the truth is, I actually like the work, for the most part.

I am also learning that I am a prideful person, and I am pretty sure that is not a good thing. I am resolved to stay at this for at least a year. I just can't bring myself to quit, and I get a sick stomach even entertaining the thought. Every time I shake my head at myself on "why I took this on", and perhaps I should go back to my old life, a very loud voice in my head tells me to "quit whining, be grateful for this opportunity, get to work, and finally, you need to give this a chance."

So, as my brain wrestles with itself, please forgive me if I seem aloof, forgetful, and distracted...the voices in my head are in the middle of a heated argument, and I am not sure who is going to win this one. I pray for a resolution every night.

When you smile, the world smiles with you...

2010-10-29T16:38:00.000-07:00

Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing. ~Mother Teresa

Jane Murphy. If you ever want to see anyone's face light up, say those two words. The first thing Jane greets everyone with is an electric smile, and in all honesty, it is the most beautiful smile that I have ever seen. Rain or shine, she does not let anything get in the way of communicating her love for people and deep respect for life. It is my belief that Jane conceives that every day presents new astounding opportunities to embrace, and will not entertain otherwise.

Ask anyone that knows her: "When you think of Jane Murphy, what do you think of?" These are the adjectives (verbatim) what her friends had to say: Warmth, kindness, huge smile, amazing sense of humor, joyful, fun, adventurous, beautiful; and these are just a few of the words that will come to their lips.

I could spend several paragraphs on her excellent ability to multi-task, keen intelligence, rib-splitting humor, love for her children, and how she can literally do anything, but what I really want to explore is how she is one person who touches every heart, and even the iciest soul is immune to her warmth.

As George Elliot said, "Wear a smile and have friends; wear a scowl and have wrinkles." Well, it is apparent that Jane is not lacking in having friends, and her face is wrinkle-free, by the way.

Anyway, back to the point: I don't care where we are---in the park, hole-in-the-wall establishment in the Bay Area or at a rodeo in Oklahoma, (Just kidding...never been to a rodeo with Jane, but I wouldn't discount that we could end up there sometime), there are people flocking to her. It is not rocket science why this is the case, but I will state the reasons anyway. Besides being gorgeous, superior conversationalist, and intelligent, Jane is not afraid to let you know that she is glad to see you, and deeply pleased that you are a part of her life. There is not a better feeling in the world than to feel loved and appreciated, and Jane is a master at letting all in her life know how important they are to her. If we could all emulate this skill, imagine what the world would be like.

Lovely Lynn and Wonderful Karin

2010-09-16T17:33:00.000-07:00

Yep, I have yet another couple of friends who have joined the four decade mark. It has been a fun ride, the last few years, to celebrate all of these birthdays. I have watched people struggle with the number, embrace it, take it with a grain of salt or have a mixed reaction of everything previously mentioned. I just read a quote: “No one becomes forty without incredulity and a sense of outrage” and I believe this is universally true. However, both Karin and Lynn have managed to make it look easy, as both are two of the most grounded people that I know.

Karin celebrated her birthday on the water, looking stunningly beautiful and serene. Her sense of humor could make a day picking-up trash in the dirtiest back alley seem like a rockin' good time. Intelligence, keen wit and vintage Hollywood movie star looks add to her unique beauty. With class, she tells it like it is, and in this day and age of superficiality, it is a breath of fresh air to be around a woman confident enough to speak her mind.

To celebrate her four decades on the planet, Lynn decided to host a toga party, and I had just as much fun as I did back in the keg-soaked college days. She wore a gold toga, which is befitting in so many ways. Lynn is truly an old soul, with years of wisdom bottled inside her gorgeous self. She radiates warmth, love and constant compassion. With Lynn, I can discuss any philosophical or spiritual ideas that I am pondering or struggling with, and she will intently listen, never judge and gently offer her opinion with depth and quiet assurance. I always enjoy talking with her, as I know I am going to learn something new, interesting and thought-provoking.

It is no surprise that Lynn and Karin are good friends, as they both are fun-loving, intelligent, kind and loyal. They both have the ability to bring clarity to any situation, and this insight is invaluable. I will never be able to walk on a beach without thinking of them, as we have had a lot of good times strolling the Carmel beaches with sand between our toes, and share an appreciation of the sea, and of nature itself.

I wish you both the happiest of times with your respective families during this upcoming decade, and many more beach hikes, laughs and wine-sipping great times.

Life is, well, peachy---when you have a friend like Peaches!

2010-08-05T12:38:00.000-07:00

Besides the fact that she is from Georgia, the nickname Peaches is perfect for her. Her skin is flawless, perfectly colored, just like a peach. Her southern drawl and sweet personality take you in, and you feel lucky to be a part of her world.

Fiercely loyal, fun to be around, wonderful sense of humor, (I am talking knee-slapping funny), quick witted, intelligent, honest, generous, adventurous---these are just a few of the hundred adjectives that describe our dear friend.

One of my favorite memories of her is her standing on a hay bale (looking fabulous in a Hooters Girls costume) at one of my Halloween parties and asking the crowd if they "want any weeengs?" (wings) The plate was devoured in a few seconds.

As one poet put it: "Joy in one's heart and some laughter on one's lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life"--and this describes Peaches perfectly.

Peaches and I take weekly walks out in the state park, and they are some of my favorite hours of the week. There is nothing that we can't discuss with startling openness, and I know that I can count on her to willingly listen to anything that I am grappling with and she will give me straight-forward advice, as well as a good dose of humor. I can trust her implicitly, with confidentiality and to provide thoughtful words of wisdom. These are what I consider trademarks of a true lifelong friend.

She is off on another adventure in about a year from now, and even though I am happy for her, I am going to miss her terribly. In the short time that she has been here in Benicia, we have had a ton of good times.

Happy Birthday, my wonderful friend, and I hope your upcoming year in Benicia brings you extraordinary memories, the best of times and the knowledge that you are adored by many. I would wish for everyone to have such a friend as you.

Florence Nightingale: Eat your heart out!

2010-08-03T20:17:00.000-07:00

I am going to attempt to write two blogs tonight, in honor of two friends that had birthdays within the last 30 days.

There was once a famous author who was quoted as saying,"Don't hang out with people who are not where you want to be." I think this is sound advice, and it serves as a mantra in the back of my mind whenever I meet someone.

When I started to get to know Robyn, I was in awe of how sunny and positive she is about life. I have yet to hear her utter an unkind word about anyone. She walks with light, and goodness. Even if someone has wronged her, she carries no animosity toward them, and always gives even the most undeserving person a break. Little did I know, this is just the tip of the iceberg in the depth of her kindness.

Robyn is a nurse that works with cancer patients. Along with raising children, she helps people in their greatest hour of need. I can't imagine the energy and strength that her job must take, and I have the greatest admiration for her, and all of those in healing professions.

On top of this, she has served as a nurse to close family members with terminal illnesses as well. To help a loved one transition from life to death is perhaps one of the most difficult challenges any person faces. I don't mean to be macabre, but I want to paint the whole picture here of just how amazing she is. It is easy to be altruistic and congenial when life is going our way, and I am certainly guilty of allowing my circumstances to affect my mood, but this is not the case for Robyn. While she was truly doing God's work, she would always manage a smile, an encouraging word for someone and maintain a softhearted disposition.

I would venture to say that she truly gets "it." Life is precious, delicate yet hardy, and worth putting a smile on for, even in the toughest of circumstances. She values her minutes here on earth and seems to realize that pettiness is a waste of everyone's time. I have learned a lot by watching how she handles it all with such grace, and I can only hope that some of her amazing-ness rubs off on me.

Happy Birthday, Robyn! I hope this new decade brings you nothing but more of your gorgeous and magnetic smiles!

Another Birthday Tribute to an All-Around Class Act

2010-07-15T17:02:00.000-07:00

The first time I met Angie I was having a "crafty lady" meeting at my house. My hair was probably a disaster, and in general, I was most likely a disheveled mess. I will skip the irony about me hosting a "crafty lady" meeting, but I will delve into my overall state, at that time.

When my girls were little, I had difficulties in getting myself together. My friend Jane calls those early Mommy years "the frump years" and nothing could describe it better for me. I swore off any pants that did not have an elastic waste band, my hair was always in a wet ponytail and I always felt frenetic, like I forgot something important but I didn't know what it was. I was sort-of like a modern-day Lucille Ball without the style.

This background information has a point, I swear. You see, I am now going to do a compare-and-contrast analysis.

Angie is one of those people who does it all, and looks fabulous while doing it. She runs a successful business, is active in the P.T.G., church, various organizations, is participating in the 3-day walk for the cure, and I have yet to see her flustered or even slightly ruffled. Ever. She is always well-dressed, perfectly groomed and never snippy. Oh, did I mention that she has two beautiful and well-mannered little girls and she is a hands-on Mom? How does she do it?

As if her accomplishments weren't enough, she also has amazing attributes, and while there are many, (good looking, honest, intelligent, wonderful sense of humor), my favorite is her quiet and non-boastful way of going about life. Her wry and self-effacing manner make her even more endearing. (By the way, I hope you do not mind too terribly that I am "tooting your horn" for you.)

Moreover, she is a great friend. With her hectic schedule she manages to make time to be there for her friends and in her unassuming and calm way, she can always be counted on. Her promises are never un-kept, no matter how difficult or trivial, for that matter. This last year, she helped my sanity when I was trapped at home sick, and even took the time out of her overloaded schedule to bring me a cheeseburger because I had a "wild craving".

I look around me, and if I am fortunate enough to be surrounded by great people that I appreciate, then I need to acknowledge this. Angie, I appreciate your ability to make us all laugh, how you always come through with quiet action and for being an all-around class act.

Happy Birthday, Pal! I hope this year brings you all the best. You truly deserve it.

My Favorite Mermaid

2010-07-13T18:25:00.001-07:00

I am going to try and give a tribute, so to speak, to each of my friends on their birthdays this year. My friends bring so much joy to my life, and without them, my life would lack a great deal of warmth and love that I have grown accustomed to. Benicia has spoiled me; this town seems to be a breeding ground for fun, down-to-earth, kind and generous people. I write these blogs as not only way to shout out to the universe how grateful I am, but to take the time to let each person know how appreciated they are.

When the wind kicks up in town, (and it often does), I always shake my head and smile. Personally, wind makes me a tad grumpy, but I know one person that will be ecstatic: Angela. I know that she is personally dancing and thanking the "Wind Gods" for blessing her upcoming sailing trip.

Just like a mermaid, Angela was born to love the water, and she discovered sailing a few years ago, and I would venture to say that it is one of her favorite ways to pass the time.

Angela has spark. No two ways about it. Always smiling, her eyes sparkle with an unwavering love for life, and she attacks everything with such zest that one believes that there is nothing that she can't accomplish, and by the way, this would be a true assumption. During the last few years, along with being a great Mom and wife, she has helped put on an auction, mastered wine-making, become an accomplished sailor, and tackled numerous other projects that I won't list.

You get the picture...Life is an adventure to be embraced, and she attacks it dead-on. Observing her, I have learned a lot about how to appreciate each day and not waste a minute. Do what you love, spend time with the people you care about and be kind to all---these are things that I notice how Angela lives her life, and it truly inspires me.

Her arms are always wide open to hug all--and warmth flows easily from her. She is thoughtful, and an amazing hostess. Once, I called her to chat, and after a few minutes of talking, she asked if we wanted to come over for drinks and appetizers. We walked over (10 minutes later) and she had put together this beautiful spread of food that would have taken me an hour to put out. She greeted as at the door, with cocktails, and immediately made us feel at home. My kids run to her because they love her hugs, and we all felt happy, lighter, warm. Happiness spreads, and her wonderful positive energy affects people.

Life is to be celebrated and any task, event, and/or moment can be made enjoyable with the right frame of mind. I am lucky to have a friend who "walks the walk" and lives her life with a ferocious love of joy, love and happiness.

May fierce and sturdy winds guide your sails this year! Happy (belated) Birthday, my friend!

A Milestone for Moe....

2010-06-25T23:57:00.000-07:00

There are very few things that you can count on in this life. I can always count on my mailbox to have at least one piece of junk mail in it, the sun to rise, for the PGnE bill to piss me off, and finally----that whenever I get together with Moe I am going to have the time of my life. The only items on the agenda when we get together is to have fun and laugh. As you can imagine, we get together often. With an agenda like that, why would I want to do anything else? Seriously.

She brims with sheer fun and positive energy. Besides being a loyal friend, I can always count on her to make the most of out of every situation that she is encounters. Every person is glad to see her. She extends her warmth to every person that she meets. I can completely be myself with her, and I know that she accepts each and every flaw within me, and I always feel better about life after we get together. Prozac would not be in existence if everyone on this planet were to have such a friend as Moe.

So, on to discussing the big milestone: turning 40. I have no doubt that Moe will handle 40 with the same cosmic grace that she handles everything, and will fiercely attack these years with the same ferocity for the quest of fun that she has all of her life. She looks great, has a stellar attitude and is one of the most open-minded people that I know....so what will be different?

I am almost six months ahead of Moe in the aging process, so take my sage advise/experience with as much weight as you would of a teeny piece of lint, but, here is my take on what to expect:
The sweet moments carry more weight. You will worry less, and focus on what makes you happy more, because you realize time is fleeting, and 40 is when most people take stock of their lives, figure out what is worth living for, and what is not. Obligatory boring meetings and dreaded errands still need to occur (we are still living, after all) but I found myself seeking to make all of the other moments "count". Hugs from your kids and husband feel warmer, time with friends becomes more special and eventful, and love for all of those around you will fill you up in a way that it did not before.

But that is not all....here is the best part:

Fear, in general, is flying out the window. Thank God. What a waste of time it is to fear, and for some reason, this concept of not focusing on fear has become more apparent for me this year.

For example, and this is a not a very serious comparison, but here goes:

Last night, I went and celebrated another wonderful friend's birthday. We went dancing, and I have to tell you, I danced like I truly did not care who was watching, because it hit me, I didn't. I think most people are a bit self-conscious when dancing, even if they are good, and while I was wildly flailing my arms, laughing at myself and screaming out the lyrics with friends, it dawned on me that I was especially enjoying it because I didn't care what I looked like. The most paramount goal was to have a good time at that moment, and the fear of looking stupid would have derailed me.

I have quit fearing the minutia, the mundane, the weighty decisions, the worst-case scenarios because it is all a waste of precious energy and time. This has made the big 4-0 one of the best years of my life, and I know it is going to be for you, too.

Your zest of life is going to continue to bring you an abundance of love, friendship, fun times, travel, wonderment, and excitement. You deserve it all.

I love you like a sister. Thanks for always being there for me.

Happy Birthday Jen and Liz

2010-06-23T15:54:00.000-07:00

So, I have these two great friends having birthdays on Thursday. They are both fantastic women; beautiful, kind, thoughtful, intelligent and capable.

Jen takes any room by storm with her engaging personality. She lights up any room. Period. I have never met anyone who after meeting her didn't adore her. She can converse with anyone, and bring any person out of "their shell", so to speak, and she takes a genuine interest in the other person, and is not afraid to point out the good attributes that the person has to bring out their best. I have never seen her do anything contrary to helping another see the best in themselves, and she is always generous (yet sincere) with her kind words.

She also gives extremely sound advice, and I confer with her on many situations. I know that she will calm Chicken Little (a.k.a. me) down and coach me on how to address the problem in a wise and adult manner.

Her infectious laugh and love for silliness takes any heavy drama out of the room, and it is this love for fun that keeps her looking, oh, about 22 years old. In a word, she is amazing.

Liz would give you the shirt off of her back. I know that phrase is said often, and it is overused, but it is the best one I could come up with, and my writing is a tad rusty.

I have always envied Liz's ability to be calm, kind, and collected in any situation. She never stoops to pettiness, and she truly sees the best in others. She will quietly work behind the scenes to help people---never bringing attention to herself, and she does it simply because her heart is the size of Alaska. She never asks for anything in return.

On top of all of this, she is an abundantly loving mother. She manages three children, a career, a remodel, friends, appointments with an ease and grace that would make any C.E.O. green with envy. I hope she sees how great she is, because she is also very humble, and as endearing of a quality that is, I want her to appreciate herself---because we all do.

Finally, I am truly fortunate to have these women in my life. Happy Birthday Ladies! Enjoy your year!

Winter-y Day in Benicia

2010-01-07T11:47:00.001-08:00

In the depths of winter I finally learned
there was in me an invincible summer.
by Albert Camus

Day 2 of 365 project: Yes, I am a crazy cat lady, and I have two girls in training!

2010-01-06T17:49:00.000-08:00

Day One of posting a pic every day....

2010-01-05T16:34:00.000-08:00

Home from school on a chilly January afternoon. Ash loves her new headbands that she received from Santa.

2010 is finally here! A look back at 2009 resolutions....

2010-01-01T20:13:00.000-08:00

First, I want to state that I am ecstatic to begin this new year.

I wanted to measure how "successful" I was at achieving my resolutions from last year, before I spouted off this year about my upcoming plans. Here they were:

1. Enjoy every moment as much as possible, and I mean every moment. I need to remember to find meaning in my work, appreciate menial tasks such as washing the dishes, and finding the time to relax more. I already cherish my time with my family, friends and of course, my husband, but I could have a better attitude about cooking, cleaning and grocery shopping. It is going to be a challenge, though, to find something enjoyable and/or meaningful about cleaning up the cat box.

I still loathe cleaning the cat box, but since I have made enjoying life to the fullest a commitment, it has generally become more easy to let go and have a good time, and for that, I am unwaveringly grateful that I made it a priority and that it came to fruition. I partially credit the change to a few factors: age, exercise and meditation; I began meditation sessions throughout this last year (with a few friends) and that has made a tremendous difference in reducing my anxiety. I no longer will be a tortured perfectionist that completely blows a gasket if the house is out-or-order or things don't go exactly the way I planned.

2. Continue my quest to be in shape. Continue to exercise regularly. It makes all the difference on my health and my mental state of mind.

I feel good about this one. I pretty much exercised all year long, and plan to put it on my list for 2010, and every year after that.

3. Fix what bothers me. Indecision is a spirit killer. If something is irritating me, then I am going to take measures to fix it, and not just talk about how I want it to change. I always feel much better when I make a decision to move forward, rather than agonize about something and then twist in the wind on how I am going to change it, which ultimately keeps me in limbo.

This last resolution of '09 was a paradox. I took action this past year to fix the things in my life that were not up to par, but results would not always follow--or the results would not occur as quickly as I was expecting. A few times, I would utter to my friends that 2009 was the year of "being in limbo." Perhaps there is a lesson in all of this. I have never been known for having a plethora of patience, and this last year has been a constant reminder of that. I have been forced to encounter and practice this virtue.

Some of my "fixes" did happen, though, and for that I am grateful. For example, I was able to enjoy life to the fullest this last year, and that was my main goal. The meditation and the exercise (both actions) did produce positive results for achieving the goal of relaxation and being more self-aware, and thus, enjoying life more. Also, perhaps my main goal of finding happiness in whatever I am doing doesn't jive with always fixing things. Perhaps, I need to re-read my own sentences, and enjoy what comes my way and live in the moment.

Onward to 2010...here are my new resolutions:

1. Have a career that is more stable, more financially rewarding, and involves working with people that I enjoy, and the tasks are satisfying and interesting. I realize this is a tall order, but it is possible.

2. Be a good Mom and wife. Take the utmost care of my family.

3. Continue to enjoy my friends and family. Meet new people, yet also find time to spend with the people that are already dear to me.

4. Keep exercising regularly and be in good physical and healthy shape. I turn 40 this year, and I want to feel as healthy as possible.

5. Meditate more. Feed my spiritual side.

6. Be positive. Help others whenever it is possible. Strive to be a source of light and kindness. Be thankful and express gratitude every day.

7. Buy real estate.

8. Increase our financial security.

These are it for now!

Happy New Year, everyone!

my entries that lost...oh well, it is about the journey, not the destination...

2009-09-18T14:40:00.000-07:00

I wanted to post some of my graphic design logos that did not win the 99 Designs contest...actually, the Bay Area Premier is going to be used, but the other ones are just lost attempts....

Happy Belated Birthday, Sweet Ashlyn!

2009-09-18T14:33:00.001-07:00

You have brought so much joy into my life. I love your kindness, interest in nature, and desire to want to help others, especially kids younger than you. You are truly a gift.

Happy Birthday Happy Hills!

2009-09-03T08:43:00.000-07:00

Nine years ago today I was blessed with the most wonderfully happy baby. Laughter comes easily to her, and she is blessed with a sunny disposition and complete confidence in herself. I am one lucky Mama!

The Dog Days of August....finally came to an end

2009-09-02T08:45:00.001-07:00

I know, these pics look like we are enjoying the sights of Nor-Cal on a most beautiful day, but let me tell you---being in Redding, Ca in August is oppressively hot. Whenever I go up North to visit my parents, (particularly in the summer), I remember why I live in the Bay Area. Nothing beats that climate here.
As for the photos, I do like the subject matter, though. ;)

Saying goodbye to Summer...Hello Autumn

2009-09-02T08:33:00.000-07:00

I don't know why, but Autumn is one of my favorite times of the year. I think of it as a time for new beginnings, and even though the calendar year is winding down at this point, I feel like this is when the year is officially starting.

Maybe it has something to do with this:

I wish for my kids (and yours) to have a wonderful school year, full of higher learning, curiosity and wonderment.

My daily gratitude: I am grateful for the wonderful schools in Benicia, the energy of kids when they are excited about learning, and for the cooler nights. Ahhhhh....

Glimpses of Summer

2009-08-17T23:02:00.000-07:00

I am grateful for smiling, happy and breezy children, who make me reminisce about what childhood is all about, and who appreciate summer, and all that it offers.

Visualizing my perfect life...

2009-08-16T20:35:00.000-07:00

The law of attraction is the law of creation. Creation comes from our mind.

Part of "The Secret" stresses the importance of visualization, and this makes sense because it forces you to define what scenario works best for what you want. I can't tell you how many different scenes played out in my mind before I came up with the below listed scenario.

Here is my "dream" scenario:
My husband is retired from the corporate world. Our real estate rental company supports us. He frequently volunteers as a coach on our daughters' collective sports teams. We have a condo in San Francisco, where we hang out on weekends. We, as a family, explore the city and take our kids to plays, museums and the beach. We live in Benicia. We also have a home in France, where we live for a few months during the year. We are financially very comfortable. Our children can go to any university they want. They are happy and healthy. We can afford to be generous with our children, family and friends. We would be able to donate to various charities as well.

I love the idea that I can visually create whatever I want, and while it seems like a tall order, why is it less possible for me to create this desired life than any other dream that has come into fruition? I look at Lance Armstrong, and other people that have had to overcome harsh obstacles to achieve their dreams, so, why should I make excuses or assume that this is not going to happen? I have to believe that it is possible, attainable and it will occur.

If you had to define your perfect life, what would it look like?

sending this out to the universe...

2009-08-15T15:04:00.000-07:00

Thursday....remembering "The Secret"

2009-08-13T15:35:00.000-07:00

"Look for the magic in every day."

Today's lesson for me is remembering the beauty in tenacity. As I stumbled around the kitchen this morning, I break an egg all over the floor. My kids, bored with summer, are bickering, and it is barely 8 AM.

Meanwhile, I have some web work to do, for which I am happy. After all, I have been wanting money. So, in my lap came a little web job today.

While my kids argue and I am trying to feed them, etc., I am also downloading software which is not working, so I keep at it for hours, and alas, I just keep thinking, "this is going to work. Make it work", and eventually, it does. It can be discouraging, trying to work while managing kids, but I have to keep at it. I have to believe that it will get easier, and to be fair, every year it does.

I am glad when I look at the big picture that I can be the one to make peanut butter, honey and banana sandwiches for Ash just the way she likes it, and be able to simultaneoulsy earn a small income at home. I am thrilled that Hills can have playdates here, which I never had a lot of growing up. I want my children to have a home where they can feel free to have their friends over, and to have the ability to exercise my mind as well. This life is a gift, and behind the chaos, I need to remind myself of that every day.

Day 2 of The Secret...wow!!!!

2009-08-11T13:04:00.000-07:00

Okay, so it is working.

I had long asked "the universe" to put my daughter in a particular school, and it didn't look like it was going to happen, but I just kept believing that it would, and voila....today, right before school registration, I got THE PHONE CALL that I have been waiting a year for. I was elated, to say the least.

So, then, I kept thinking, I am going to need to "make more money." I didn't worry about it: I just kept wishing for it in a matter-of-fact way, with the assumption that it was going to happen. Well, within 4 hours, a friend called me to get a bid from me for doing a website.

I am grateful for all of it. I almost cried on the phone when I received the phone call from the school. I am so happy.

Sending love and good wishes out to each and every one of you!!!!

My life living "The Secret"

2009-08-10T20:56:00.000-07:00

So, I have been reading "The Secret" and I want to document my journey. According to the book, "every human being has the ability to transform any weakness or suffering into strength, power, perfect peace, health, and abundance. "

Thus, my new lifestyle of practicing the "law of attraction" has begun.

One thing I am really working on is my thoughts, and the energy and power that they carry. I have quit saying "I don't want (fill in the blank)". Instead, I focus on what I want, and apparently, the universe responds to what you are stating, whether it is good or bad.

Example of what NOT to say:
"I don't want it to rain."
Instead, say/think this:
"I desire sunny weather on Wednesday."

I am going to list all of my wishes that I am "sending out to the ever mercurial universe" and I will let you know what happens.

Here is what I want:
1. to raise healthy and happy children that grow into responsible and good people.
2. to continue to have a happy and loving marriage
3. complete financial prosperity within 6 months
4. to grow my rental business
5. to continue to enjoy my wonderful friendships

Gratitude is also important in "The Secret". Thus, I am going to take more time in being grateful for all that I have.

Today, I am grateful for the following (in no particular order):
1. wonderful kids
2. my health
3. the greatest hubby
4. sweet, generous and caring friends
5. my home and food on my table
6. time to relax. I actually got the chance to watch a little T.V. today and it was heavenly.

I will let you know how I progress.

I love summer

2009-07-10T19:44:00.001-07:00

I have nothing particularly interesting to say, other than I am enjoying this lazy Friday. Scratch that. I am enjoying this lazy SUMMER Friday.

As my husband hammers away on a tree house for our daughters, I look around at the lush flowers in the garden and I know it sounds corny---but I feel abundantly happy to be alive. Dusk creeps in at a slower pace, and I want to join in this pace of relaxing and not being in such a darn hurry all of the time, so I am going to do just that.

On the note of relaxation...

Lately, I have been turning off the T.V. when I am not watching it, and not leaving it on for "background sound", and I have to tell ya----it has done wonders to my harried self. There is a real disconnect for me to truly think/appreciate/ponder/question all that is going on in my current state with the blare of the commercials barging into the back of my mind. Such a little thing to make such a huge difference.

Anyway, back to summer. It is glorious.

I hope everyone is enjoying their summer and keep posting all of your pictures. I love to look at them!

2009-06-13T05:25:00.000-07:00

The Wrestler...have you seen it?

2009-02-28T20:16:00.000-08:00

I was on a date night with my husband a few nights ago, and we decided to see "The Wrestler" with Mickey Rourke. I had no idea that the movie I was about to see was going to stick with me. Wow. I even cried at the end, and had to sort out my feelings why.

I don't want to ruin it for anyone who has not seen it and eventually wants to, so, if you are in this category, please stop reading this blog now. I don't want to be a kill-joy....

Okay, you have been forewarned. I will continue.

Mickey Rourke was brilliant. He managed to literally absorb the character into his core. If I had to describle his character's personality, he was the guy you went to high school with, that was good at _________(insert a sport), said hello to everyone, and drank a beer or two on a Saturday night. He occasionally forgot to pick up his date because he got a little wild with the boys, and felt terrible about it afterwards. He was amiable to all, and had enough humility to apologize when needed. He was genuine, and the kind of guy you wanted as your rock solid friend, but not as a boyfriend or a husband. I have known so many guys like this, and maybe this is why the movie left me in a pool of tears. m

I will say that watching the movie was difficult at times. The violence and blood made me squeamish, but a necessary componet to tell the story. A brilliant Rourke acting manuever that needs to be mentioned is his ability for the audience to experience his day-to-day trials, physically and mentally. He lumbers about, probably from arthritis, as well as aging, and not to mention the obvious aches and pains from being pummelled every day. After his heart attack, the laborious breathing is a constant backdrop reminding you of what he endures daily.

The Ending
While he departs his life on his terms, there is still so much unfinished business. Yes, he gets to "go out" in a manner which he deems to be respectable, there are still loose ends, like his relationship with his daughter. While I appreciated the non-Hollywood wrapping up their relationship, it still hurt to the core. I couldn't help but cry for them both. He was an absentee parent, and deserved her angst, but he was so likeable, contrite, uncomplicated and uncalculating. I was hopeful that his mature daughter would see beyond his irresponsible behavior and accept him, fake tan and all.

Moreover, the stripper that shows up at the ninth hour (Marisa Tomei) didn't bother me as much. Unlike his daughter, she was finished business and he managed to put that together before he departed.

The overall irony but part of the character development is that he views his fans as the only people who have unconditionally accepted him, and obviously, we all know how fickle the public can be. In the end, you feel so sorry for the one-trick pony that sees himself as not good at anything else but this sport. I disagree. He could have coached, or used his likeable personality to do something else. Or maybe I am wrong. Maybe he just reminded me of a good buddy that I would miss if he ever took himself out.

10 things you might not know about me

2009-01-20T11:54:00.000-08:00

I loved Mainly a Midwife's posting about "Ten Things about me", and I thought I would do a blog in the same fashion. I am pretty much an open book, so I don't know if there is anything to uncover, but here goes:

1. I have a deep fascination about tornadoes. I love to watch anything about them. I was once near one---but it was only a F-zero. (F stands for Fujita, the rating of damage/wind speed a tornado reaches.) I have also seen a funnel cloud in the distance, but again, it was tiny and dissipated quickly. The West Coast doesn't offer much tornado entertainment, which is why I want to go on a real live tornado chase in the midwest one day.

2. My favorite food is Thai. I can't live without it.

3. I have been inside a now-empty missile silo, underground, at night. Probably one of the most interesting and simultaneously dangerous experiences that I have ever done.

4. I love to make up crazy dances for my kids and husband. There is the horse dance, the cat dance and the tick-tock dance, to name a few. They think I am a nut. They are right.

5. My music taste is all over the map. I listen to almost everything. My eclectic music library ranges from John Denver to Lifehouse to Barbra Streisand to AC/DC to some rap. I love music and could talk about it all day long. I love to sing, but unfortunately, I am terrible. This doesn't stop me from doing karaoke, however. Wild horses couldn't stop me from belting out my music in the car, either.
This topic leads me to #6...

6. I fantasize constantly about being a professional singer, and a piano player, oh, and a guitar player, too. Sometimes, I also play the drums, and I am wearing cool sunglasses while I am beating away. I am pretty much a legendary one-man band, in my own mind.

7. Sometimes I watch the trashiest reality TV out there, and my already-struggling I.Q. goes down 10 points every time. I can't stop. The worst one that I ever sat through (and also watched the re-runs!) was "Paradise Hotel." I know, it is complete brain garbage. I might as well stare at a piece of moldy bread all day.

8. I love to travel, but I sometimes get in the mood to visit off-beat places. If you ever want something out-of-the-ordinary to do, contact me. I have a list just for Northern California. One of my favorite places to tell people to travel to is Locke, Ca. I will let you Google it, but it is cool.

9. I hate watching eating contests. They are just plain foul.

10. One of my biggest fears: snakes. Need I say more?

And, now, for one more:

11. I am going to be "crazy cat lady" when I am old. I am a cat lover, and I have already decided that pursuit suits me best. So, when you visit me in my older age, try and ignore the woman in the purple hat talking to her cats. Just remember me when I was sane...oh, wait. I never was.

Happy Tuesday everyone!!!!

Stating my intentions for 2009

2009-01-18T12:05:00.000-08:00

It has been 17 days past the first of January, and I am still struggling with what I want to accomplish in 2009. Perhaps this is a sign, a symbol of a year of sluggishness, or relaxation, depending on how you view it.

Here are my intentions:

1. Enjoy every moment as much as possible, and I mean every moment. I need to remember to find meaning in my work, appreciate menial tasks such as washing the dishes, and finding the time to relax more. I already cherish my time with my family, friends and of course, my husband, but I could have a better attitude about cooking, cleaning and grocery shopping. It is going to be a challenge, though, to find something enjoyable and/or meaningful about cleaning up the cat box.

2. Continue my quest to be in shape. Continue to exercise regularly. It makes all the difference on my health and my mental state of mind.

3. Fix what bothers me. Indecision is a spirit killer. If something is irritating me, then I am going to take measures to fix it, and not just talk about how I want it to change. I always feel much better when I make a decision to move forward, rather than agonize about something and then twist in the wind on how I am going to change it, which ultimately keeps me in limbo.

I think that is all for now. If anyone has any resolutions that they would like to share, I would love to hear 'em.

Bye for now!

In Search of the perfect pedicure...and a shout out to Cake Lady

2009-01-09T14:45:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday, Miss Keri!

I know that I am a day late, and a dollar short, as my grandpa used to say, but you were genuinely in my thoughts this week. I am looking forward to celebrating with you over some margaritas and nachos! You bring so much to everyone: with your ever-warm smile, great disposition and wit. We are all very lucky to know you, and your cakes are just a bonus!

Now...unfortunately, I need to switch the subject and write about a terribly serious topic. I am wondering where in Benicia can one get the best pedicure. I have since tried four places, and have found pros and cons to each and every one of them. Please let me know your thoughts.
My thoughts:
1. Lucy's Nails: great massage chairs, good paint job, and looooove the massage that the man gives. (I don't know his name.) Cons: Impossible to get in there at times, and reservations don't seem to matter.
2. The nail salon next to Baskin Robbins(I can't remember the name): excellent paint job, and the massage chair is also nice. Not as clean as Lucy's, and their interior space is cramped. I will say that their nail fills are the best, and last forever, but their overall retail space could use a little sprucing up. I also hate parking in that parking lot, but that is not really their fault.
3. Pretty Nails (Next to Rosanna''s Bakery): No massage chair, feet are put in a bath that they dispose of afterwards (it is supposed to be more sanitary, but it felt a bit wasteful to me...), the paint job is good, but overall, I was disappointed. It took forever to pay, and they are clearly understaffed.
4. Sanctuary: Now, to be fair, the last time I was there it was 5-6 years ago. The paint job literally looked like one of my daughters got a hold of me. The ambiance was unique and beautiful, but at the end of the day, I want my polish not to be all over my feet.

I get a pedicure every 6 weeks. I look forward to this like a perfectly made margarita or a sundae with all of the trimmings. I usually do it on a Friday when I am off work or a Sunday. It feels indulgent, and it is one of the few things that seem to calm me down (much like blogging). Anyway, I am in search of the perfect place, because I know that I am not alone in this much needed passtime.

Your thoughts on this pressing issue would be most appreciated.

Why I blog....

2009-01-06T14:38:00.000-08:00

I had to give it some serious thought on why I blog.

1. Foot in Mouth...no more
It forces me to really think before I speak (or publish!!!) I can take the time to reflect on how I feel about something, weighing the good and the bad, and deciphering what is relevant, and what is not.
2. Pure Reflection
It is obligatory to recall past events, current situations and ponder the mysterious future when I sit down to write. (I suppose personal content is a requisite, unless you are writing a biography or fiction...) Many times, these short moments of reflection introduce a range of thoughts: gratitude, wishes and sometimes, misgivings. While I enjoy recalling all that I am thankful for, I also find it necessary to look at the past day, and take a candid look at what I could have done better and how I should handle the same situation in the future. I also take a problematical look at how I can improve upon current circumstances.
3. Relaxation
My heart rate seems to slow down, and as a Type-A personality (more like AAA), anything that forces me to sit still is good.

Our annual wacky Christmas card....

2009-01-04T17:29:00.000-08:00

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and New Year's....

First Blogspot: a toast to 2008...I will miss you!

2009-01-04T16:33:00.000-08:00

Well, as the new year has begun, I am ready for change. I am switching from the buggy interface of myspace, and trying out blogspot. It seems more streamlined, more grown-up, in my humble opinion.

I really enjoyed 2008. It was a great year, despite the cruddy economy, etcetera. In fact, I really learned a lesson that one can not only make the best of a situation---but have an awe inspiring year by ignoring the things we really can't control and focusing on what you can. You can still go to the park and walk among the fresh air and trees. You can still lose yourself in a hug with your kids and tell them that you love them more than anyone else on earth---and feel it back. You can still have friends over for dinner and cook hotdogs, because the point is getting together, not the meal that you serve. You can still be thankful for all that you have, and not focus on what you don't.

I was lucky enough to have the opportunity to travel this year. I still get goosebumps when I start to plan an upcoming trip, and being in the various places did not disappoint. We had the time of our lives seeing foreign places as well as cities and towns in the good ole' U.S. of A. We used our entire wad of airline miles in an entire year. We probably won't travel for awhile, but it was worth it.

But more than the travel, it was a great year to spend with our friends and family.

Our daughters bring us an abundance of love and laughter that is indescribable. I have really enjoyed them as they are becoming little people. It is cool---and sometimes a bit disconcerting---when they express themselves in a logical manner that differs from our viewpoint. Yes, they are becoming their own self-expressing entities, little adults, and I suppose that is the goal: eventual self-reliance and independence. Yet, it is scary, too. As a true self-proclaimed control freak, I struggle with this metamorphisis, as well as enjoy it.

Our friends in Benicia are a step above stellar. I can't say enough about the joy that they bring us. I have met the most generous, kind-hearted, funny, intelligent and loyal people on the planet in our little town. There is nothing that I wouldn't do for these people, and I am in wonderment of how the group will rally around to help someone in need, or just to celebrate another birthday. In times of rain or sun, these people are there for you. I don't know many people who get the chance to experience what we have in our little town, and I am extremely grateful for this experience.

I am still wrestling what to "put out to the universe" as my wishes for 2009. Last year, on January 3rd, 2008, I asked for the following on my myspace account:

good times with kids, family and friend
staking our business to a new level
being the best mom, wife and friend that I can be
helping people in need
meeting new people
travelling
taking any sort of class to help me become a more enlightened person (my brain needs something to think about other than the daily activities)
becoming more spiritual
giving back to my community
attending and enjoying my 20 year high school reunion

Here is the weird thing: all of them, except for one, came into fruition. So, since I believe in the power of intention, especially writing one's intentions, I am going to be careful about what I ask for.

So, stay tuned. I would be interested in hearing any ideas.

I now hereby raise my glass of green tea to 2008; it was a wonderful year. A big thanks to the universe, my family, my friends and God for making it all happen!